Written By Caspian
April 21, 2022, 12:46 p.m.(7/4/1017 AR)
there are poor choices, and then there are painfully poor choices. But sometimes you get the chance to make one and look back on it .. and decide that it was worth.
Written By Edris
April 20, 2022, 9:22 p.m.(7/3/1017 AR)
It took me until midmorning yesterday to realize why I had been so restless since the day before. And when the illumination hit me, it was like a hard and true strike to the chest, the kind that steals the breath and all sensation, until one's mind catches up and the body remembers to breathe again.
Already when I think of you, I have a hard time remembering the face of the woman you became, rather than the child I grew up with. Is that what time does? Or in trying to set aside the last time I saw what was left of you, I have lost the immediate years before? At least I have not lost your voice. The strength in it, when you stood up to those you felt were treating another unjustly. Your laugh, when we raced each other up boulders, or I fell on my ass. I remember your voice too, the last time. The worry in it. Asking me if it would not be better for you to accompany me back.
By the gods, I would give my life then to have given you a different answer.
But today is not the anniversary of that day. Frost and I rode out to the clearing along the wall, when I realized what day it was. We found a wildflower patch. As he ate (more than a few) I wove a crown. Like I used to, for you, during the years of my favorite memories of you.
I wonder, what you would think of what I have become. I bear no name that you would recognize; neither the one we were born to, nor the one that you died bearing. A knight, as you were so proud of, but not a shining one. There are many children that I love as I would have loved my nieces and nephews that will never be, but none that share our blood. Would you understand the decisions I've made? Could you accept them? Would it make you sad, how I have navigated the world since? These days I wake less from the old nightmares. Though there is much that feels barren and frozen, now and then I feel the presence of a snowdrop, a crocus. Every triumph, success, or pleasure doesn't drag along with it the strong feeling of thinking about all the better women and men who died and were far more worthy than the one who survived.
When Frost had eaten his fill and my crown completed, we returned to the city. Perhaps this is what healing beyond the scar is supposed to feel like. I gave the crown-of-flowers to the first child that I saw that reminded me of you. I saw her laugh as she plucked one flower carefully from it, to tuck it behind her little brother's ear. We are never the same after each loss. Perhaps what was diminished in me will never be restored. But there are other flames that can be protected so that they burn bright. Sometimes, this is enough to make it through the darkest day until the next. May it be by my sword or service that one day no more brothers and sisters shall be separated by the actions of those that took you from me. Perhaps then I will learn what it truly means to heal, for good or ill, when it is done and I can no longer use that threat as an excuse for continuing on.
I hope my response to when that is finished will be what would have truly made you proud.
Happy birthday, Elin Moore. I love you. May I help build a world so that the next life you inhabit will be better than the last.
Already when I think of you, I have a hard time remembering the face of the woman you became, rather than the child I grew up with. Is that what time does? Or in trying to set aside the last time I saw what was left of you, I have lost the immediate years before? At least I have not lost your voice. The strength in it, when you stood up to those you felt were treating another unjustly. Your laugh, when we raced each other up boulders, or I fell on my ass. I remember your voice too, the last time. The worry in it. Asking me if it would not be better for you to accompany me back.
By the gods, I would give my life then to have given you a different answer.
But today is not the anniversary of that day. Frost and I rode out to the clearing along the wall, when I realized what day it was. We found a wildflower patch. As he ate (more than a few) I wove a crown. Like I used to, for you, during the years of my favorite memories of you.
I wonder, what you would think of what I have become. I bear no name that you would recognize; neither the one we were born to, nor the one that you died bearing. A knight, as you were so proud of, but not a shining one. There are many children that I love as I would have loved my nieces and nephews that will never be, but none that share our blood. Would you understand the decisions I've made? Could you accept them? Would it make you sad, how I have navigated the world since? These days I wake less from the old nightmares. Though there is much that feels barren and frozen, now and then I feel the presence of a snowdrop, a crocus. Every triumph, success, or pleasure doesn't drag along with it the strong feeling of thinking about all the better women and men who died and were far more worthy than the one who survived.
When Frost had eaten his fill and my crown completed, we returned to the city. Perhaps this is what healing beyond the scar is supposed to feel like. I gave the crown-of-flowers to the first child that I saw that reminded me of you. I saw her laugh as she plucked one flower carefully from it, to tuck it behind her little brother's ear. We are never the same after each loss. Perhaps what was diminished in me will never be restored. But there are other flames that can be protected so that they burn bright. Sometimes, this is enough to make it through the darkest day until the next. May it be by my sword or service that one day no more brothers and sisters shall be separated by the actions of those that took you from me. Perhaps then I will learn what it truly means to heal, for good or ill, when it is done and I can no longer use that threat as an excuse for continuing on.
I hope my response to when that is finished will be what would have truly made you proud.
Happy birthday, Elin Moore. I love you. May I help build a world so that the next life you inhabit will be better than the last.
Written By Erik
April 20, 2022, 6:30 p.m.(7/3/1017 AR)
Relationship Note on Celine
We fought together today. Good, it was a sparring match and we ..kind of won.. kind of lost it. But when I saw her go down the first time, time suddenly slowed down. I called out to her and when she did not react, I found an inner calm. Maybe it was fear that she got hurt, but it was the one time I was able connect a lunge with ample force.
The only time in the match.
It felt good.
The only time in the match.
It felt good.
Written By Erik
April 20, 2022, 6:07 p.m.(7/3/1017 AR)
Relationship Note on Celine
We fought together today. Good, it was a sparring match and we ..kind of won.. kind of lost it. But when I saw her go down the first time, I lost it. I called out to her and when she did not react, I do not know what surged through me that moment. Maybe fear that she got hurt, but suddenly time stood still and I could focus everything into one, single heavy lunge that connected.
The only one in the match.
It felt good.
The only one in the match.
It felt good.
Written By Celine
April 20, 2022, 4:48 p.m.(7/2/1017 AR)
I may be ill-schooled in the use of weapons and blades, but I do still find that a well-executed knee to the groin can swiftly correct a transgression.
Written By Savio
April 20, 2022, 3:58 p.m.(7/2/1017 AR)
Relationship Note on Claude
It is my complete pleasure to inform the White Journals of the fine work done by Messere Claude, master carpenter, in his recent construction of a mandolin I had commissioned. The capital city is a favorite haunt of so many talented musicians, and I would encourage all of them to procure pieces crafted by Messere Claude such as they are able. The ash-wood from which my commission is constructed gives the soundboard the bright, articulate response that is exactly what I am looking for in a mandolin compared to a lute, and the body of the instrument is shaped such as to produce the tone and volume I hoped for. I have obsessed with Arvani mandolins ever since I encountered one for the first time many years ago, and this is a lovely mandolin.
I am not Very Picky about many things but instruments are one, and I am well pleased. You should all buy instruments from him.
I am not Very Picky about many things but instruments are one, and I am well pleased. You should all buy instruments from him.
Written By Iseulet
April 20, 2022, 1:22 p.m.(7/2/1017 AR)
Humility may not be one of the 13 godly ideals that we pride ourselves on attaining, but it sure does take the sting out of dealing with some people.
Written By Saccharin
April 20, 2022, 11:55 a.m.(7/2/1017 AR)
Relationship Note on Sonnet
Well, it sounds VERY human.
All of this does. A human is writing this down right now. Who knows what it'll translate to?!
All of this does. A human is writing this down right now. Who knows what it'll translate to?!
Written By Ripley
April 20, 2022, 7:56 a.m.(7/2/1017 AR)
An Oath's an oath I suppose, even if broken to save us. The world is bleaker with her gone.
Written By Mabelle
April 20, 2022, 1:25 a.m.(7/1/1017 AR)
My appointment of Minister of Population six years ago was incidental. But it was as incidental as walking into a shop and finding the last pair of shoes is precisely your size. I wanted an appointment and I was given one and while striving to be all that it is, I found that it is all that I am.
My entire life I have been devoted to other people, through the works of medicine, the manual labor of patching, stitching and dressing Princes, Lords and commoners, to the experiments in my laboratory to find remedies. Though I will confess there was selfishness in those acts, for I did find pleasure in it. Afterwards the help came in means of diplomacy, sparing the people a war is always a relief. But I sin in that pleasure as well. There is not more satisfying than winning on the negotiation table. Compromise also works. Less glee but less blood.
Fix, done. When I'm lucky.
Prevent, done. Sometimes. Not always.
Improve. I've done that too. Another sin of pleasure, enjoying the fruit, the fame, the recognition, the notability.
I suppose there is no selfless good deed.
Not only for the people of Artshall though. While our duty lies within those who entrust their lives to us, I've always helped where I could. Actually I'm often accused of stubborness, carelessness, taking the field where I should remain in the tent or the carriage. I do not care, I want to help and maybe I am being foolish, but I rather be unwise than full with remorse of not lending a hand.
This is not an account of my life's work. It is however a testement for one sin I will never commit, a pleasure I will not satisfy for it is not a pleasure to me at all and that is feeling relief the trouble finds others but me and mine.
Perhaps I am "too good of a soul".
I'm perfectly fine with that.
My entire life I have been devoted to other people, through the works of medicine, the manual labor of patching, stitching and dressing Princes, Lords and commoners, to the experiments in my laboratory to find remedies. Though I will confess there was selfishness in those acts, for I did find pleasure in it. Afterwards the help came in means of diplomacy, sparing the people a war is always a relief. But I sin in that pleasure as well. There is not more satisfying than winning on the negotiation table. Compromise also works. Less glee but less blood.
Fix, done. When I'm lucky.
Prevent, done. Sometimes. Not always.
Improve. I've done that too. Another sin of pleasure, enjoying the fruit, the fame, the recognition, the notability.
I suppose there is no selfless good deed.
Not only for the people of Artshall though. While our duty lies within those who entrust their lives to us, I've always helped where I could. Actually I'm often accused of stubborness, carelessness, taking the field where I should remain in the tent or the carriage. I do not care, I want to help and maybe I am being foolish, but I rather be unwise than full with remorse of not lending a hand.
This is not an account of my life's work. It is however a testement for one sin I will never commit, a pleasure I will not satisfy for it is not a pleasure to me at all and that is feeling relief the trouble finds others but me and mine.
Perhaps I am "too good of a soul".
I'm perfectly fine with that.
Written By Sonnet
April 19, 2022, 8:08 p.m.(7/1/1017 AR)
The funniest thing I ever found in exploring the caverns and tunnels was ... you know, I'm sure where, but that's not what's interesting. Carved on a wall that I think was the underside of a basement for an underground city were the words:
"Malleus had an orgy with four girls here and disappointed them all equally."
Was it written in Draconic? Cardian? ...Hmm. Maybe it was-
"Malleus had an orgy with four girls here and disappointed them all equally."
Was it written in Draconic? Cardian? ...Hmm. Maybe it was-
Written By Thea
April 19, 2022, 5:30 p.m.(6/28/1017 AR)
Relationship Note on Denica
Finn has brought me some questionable.....things. But we go into Scratchers either. I think it was rotting whatever it was.
Written By Erik
April 19, 2022, 1:38 p.m.(6/28/1017 AR)
I am slowly settling in and even though there is still so much to do, I am determined to make this work.
There are some out there, that I do not wish to disappoint.
Dear random reader,
maybe you are one of these people. And depending at what age you are reading this, it is my hope that there will be no later record to be found of me where I was forced to eat my words.
There are some out there, that I do not wish to disappoint.
Dear random reader,
maybe you are one of these people. And depending at what age you are reading this, it is my hope that there will be no later record to be found of me where I was forced to eat my words.
Written By Gwenys
April 19, 2022, 1:19 p.m.(6/28/1017 AR)
I highly recommend the Fluffy Bunny from Bold Expressions. It is my go-to morning drink, and quite delicious. I ordered it the first time because I thought the name was hilarious, but it turned out to be soooo good! The chocolate in it totally masks the taste of the coffee, too, so even better.
Written By Lucita
April 19, 2022, 10:22 a.m.(6/28/1017 AR)
I look at the spotlessly clean floors, the windows missing smeared fingerprints, the crumb-less table, and the pristine flower beds lacking little footprints and smashed areas and miss my children dreadfully. The servants have been having an easier time of it while they are in Saikland, but seem to miss them, too. They brighten the tower up so much with their mischief and laughter.
Written By Ember
April 19, 2022, 7:35 a.m.(6/28/1017 AR)
Relationship Note on Saverio
It is done.
I am a married woman.
If the wedding night was productive, then within a year I will be a mother.
I thought that I would be disturbed by how different I would feel. Instead, I am disturbed by how I do not feel different at all. I have changed my life in many profound ways, these last few years, and this should have been the most profound of them all. Why does it not feel so?
Perhaps I should take heart that regardless of marriage, regardless of maternity, I am still myself, as I know the concept.
I am a married woman.
If the wedding night was productive, then within a year I will be a mother.
I thought that I would be disturbed by how different I would feel. Instead, I am disturbed by how I do not feel different at all. I have changed my life in many profound ways, these last few years, and this should have been the most profound of them all. Why does it not feel so?
Perhaps I should take heart that regardless of marriage, regardless of maternity, I am still myself, as I know the concept.
Written By Thea
April 19, 2022, 6:29 a.m.(6/28/1017 AR)
I feel like telling people about a cousin(I'm not naming names here), that used his giant coffee mug as a weapon once. It didn't well once, but I heard tales of when it did.
Written By Ailys
April 18, 2022, 2:24 p.m.(6/26/1017 AR)
Relationship Note on Raja
I bought a very nice solid metal mug from Mistress Raja Culler's shop because I liked it, but the more I've used it, the more I've come to realize it really would come in handy in a pinch as a weapon. I personally have never experienced a bar or street brawl but one never knows.
Everyone should have one.
Everyone should have one.
Written By Aella
April 18, 2022, 1:06 p.m.(6/26/1017 AR)
With the arrival of Lady Elora into our family, we also welcomed her children. I can't remember when Ravnsholm has ever felt so full of life and people. I love it. I really do. Not enough to want to add to the flock of children. I will leave that to my brother and new sister-in-law, in their own time. But, if I'm being honest, I'm really enjoying being able to watch the next generation grow and figure themselves out.
Shit... I'm getting sentimental in my old age.
Shit... I'm getting sentimental in my old age.
Written By Triton
April 18, 2022, 10:01 a.m.(6/26/1017 AR)
Going to do some chasing of people in the family next, see if I can find myself a ship to do some travel and maybe a little privateering? There is less justification for this expense than I might admit out loud, but it is all about spending some time at sea. Not all the time...just some. Living in a city fulltime can be a little bit too attractive, I think. Even addictive. I do not wish to become that soft and fluffy.
Please note that the scholars may take some time preparing your journal for others to read.